Sadism and Numbness

If love was anything in my life it would be a poison. It killed me several times (probably 3 times probably, once seriously). But death is not really its side effects. There are things worst than that and it is like enduring a torment of being skinned alive and tearing you piece by piece each day. But being subjected to such cruelty is satisfying to those who are born with an inner drive to inflict pain in return of divine assurance that they are indeed alive. It doesn't matter if you loose yourself in the process because it brings you contentment in ways far more effective than happiness. It is because pain is the true nature of all things blessed and beautiful.

In the middle of it you walk barefoot, naked and bleeding, vulnerable from all threats of existence but still you rejoice for it. Congratulations you are now addicted to it and your system desires for more. Maybe the poison was concocted with Morphine (but that really doesn't matter).

After a year (4 years in my case) you reached the end of this tormenting journey/near death experience. You're no longer naked but coated with powerful ammunitions or essential knowledge against that poison. It is so essential that its impact to your life is as powerful as an A-bomb. You are no longer barefoot and now you are already bulletproofed. And lastly you are no longer bleeding. Your adrenalin had vanished but your body have evolved and devised ways to grow immune from those beatings. Now you see the light and regain consciousness. You are free from the poison’s curse and you have developed an impressive and effective antidote.

Then you wondered, thank, regret, ponder and ask will you ever feel again?